Instructor Mohd Muzhafa Idrus (Mozac)
English Gold A2
6 April 2010
English Gold A2
6 April 2010
Living away from home and living at home
Living far away from home and living at home. Generally speaking, this is really an interesting subject for people who has no idea about this subject. When someone wants to talk or write about this subject should consider or cover all advantages and the disadvantages of this subject to make it more clear and exciting for the reader. Starting from the biggest thing like the money and budget to the smallest thing as in house work like cleaning, washing and cooking. According to my knowledge living out home is better for people and gives anew feeling of independent.
There are a lot of advantages that might be gained when someone lives far away from his/her home town. For instant; having an experience about the life and cope with all kind of problems without side help or encouragement ,moreover having the ability to depend on him/herself without leaning on someone else. That makes him/her more reliable by having all that wisdom that he gained and has a durable life .Here if I gave an assumption about students who prefer to study outside their home town. The reason why they prefer that is to have a change in their life and having a good knowledge about it, in addition to all that they want to know more about the world through discovering the areas while they are on a trip. What is the most interesting thing they gained while they are on their new environment or city is meeting a new people from all sides of the world.
Every positive side has negative side. for example student who prefer to live or study outside of his/her in a different environment from their original environment got home sick quickly and having no desire to be alone and this may effect on the their mind and their duty .they may face problems with other students if they live in a campus because everybody has a different nature .What more I would like to concern about in the this side is when people live alone have more responsibilities. They need to wash their clothes, buy their food, and experience more personal responsibility brought by a new statue of independent and all of that depend on the desirability to do all that staff. Trying to live and adapt to a variety of lifestyles require maturity.
In my opinion, living at a new environment gives people more and more about the life and its problem and let them having more new senses that they couldn’t gain at home by dealing with different people from all sides . Living far away from home can teach us the invaluable lesson of living in harmony with other people.
“Writing an essay.” Cheathouse.n.p, 4 December 2003 .Web.6 April 2010.
“Writing an essay.” Cheathouse.n.p, 4 December 2003 .Web.6 April 2010.
I will comment on grammar and then on your content. My comments will be made using capitalized letters for words, phrases and sentences which are ungrammatical.
ReplyDeleteLiving far away from home and living at home (THESE ARE NOUN PHRASES AND IT IS NOT A SENTENCE).Generally speaking, this is really an interesting subject for people who has no idea about this subject. When someone wants to talk or write about this subject should consider or cover all advantages and the disadvantages of this subject to make it more clear and exciting for the reader. Starting from the biggest thing like the money and budget to the smallest thing as in house work like cleaning, washing and cooking. According to my knowledge living out home is better for people and gives anew feeling of independenCE (YOU COULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC WITH THE THESIS STATEMENT).
There are a lot of advantages that might be gained when someone lives far away from his/her home town. For instanCE; having an experience about life and copING with all kindS of problems without ANY help or encouragement MEAN THAT ONE IS ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT DEPENDING ON OTHERS. That makes him OR her more reliable by having all that wisdom that he gained and has a durable life (HOW DO YOU KNOW? WHAT KIND OF EVIDENCE IS THERE TO SUPPORT THIS?). FOR EXAMPLE, students who prefer to study outside their home town SEEM TO LEARN A LOT. The reasonS why they prefer that is to have a change in their life and having a good knowledge about it, in addition to all that they want to know more about the world through discovering the areas while they are on a trip ( I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY HERE). What is the most interesting thing they gained while they are on their new environment or city is meeting a new people from all sides of the world.
Every positive side has negative side (I SUPPOSE THIS IS A VAGUE TOPIC SENTENCE). For example, student who prefer to live or study outside of his/her in a different environment from their original environment gEt home sick quickly and having no desire to be alone and this may Affect their mindS and their dutIES. They may face problems with other students if they live in a campus because everybody has a different nature .MOREOVER, when people live alone THEY have more responsibilities. They need to wash their clothes, buy their food, and experience more personal responsibilitIES brought ABOUT by a new statuS of BEING independent and all of that depend on the desirability TO SATISFY THESE NEEDS. Trying to live and adapt to a variety of lifestyles require maturity (IS THIS A NEW IDEA?).
In my opinion, living at a new environment gives people more and more about the life and its problemS and let them havE more new senses that they could NOT gain at home by dealing with different people from all sides . Living far away from home can teach us the invaluable lesson of living in harmony with other people.
CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION:
I THINK THAT MOST OF THE TIME YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT COMPARING AND CONTRASTING BOTH POSSIBILITIES, BUT YOU LACK EVIDENCE TO SHOW EACH SIDE. IN ADDITION, YOU MIGHT WANT TO VISIT THOSE PAGES ON HOW YOU CAN WRITE YOUR PARAGRAPHS BECAUSE I COULD SEE THAT THERE IS A TENDENCY FOR YOU TO CONDENSE EVERY IDEA IN A SINGLE PARAGRAPH.
Yes Proff, but wr are still learning ,this is the first time we wrote an essay .i mean by keeping on we will get used to write more and more clear.finally, what is the overal comment.satisfy or disatisfy?
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